was Mind mine good? was it? i distinctively remembered there was great and furious applause at the end. or was it just cos of the song? oh well. i will watch it again and all tat matters is my pov and of course, Erik's and the grade. But G was there... i really wanted to show her i'm a great film maker. i want to show EVERYONE tat i'm a great filmaker.

now it's only the grade. i wont put my hopes too high. BUT I REALLY WANT AN A OR AD!!

no one know wat's it's like.
to be the bad man
to be the sad man

behind blue eyes



we all know wat's it's like
to wake up one day
and want to die

but do u know how it's like
to wake up EVERYDAY
and hope to die

u know my pain
but u dun wan to care
u cant afford to care
cos u have ure own tat u wan to share

so we learn to keep
it all inside
we learn to stop.
crying.
and just die
while still alive

it's like a fucked up parent
or a boyfriend
who hits and spits and kicks u
till u cant cry
cos u cant feel ur eyes

u wan it to go
but u cant
cos it's ur reason
to wallow and wither
with honour and pride

it is always the ones who REALLY die who 'didnt seem depressed'

cos the ones who complain gets to vent. while the ones who bottle it up and keep it to themselves acts like nothing is wrong. and no one will notice. until it is over.

if u wan to die, u better sure as hell do it right the first time.

If u dun say, no one will care. the best way to see if ppl care or to see who are the ppl who really matters are the ones who need no telling to know something's wrong.

this is the closest i get to d-i-s-a-p-p-e-a-r.

but wat pisses me off most is tat ppl only contact me to talk about sch stuff. God damn it i'm fucking sick! even if u dun care then just leave me the FUCKING alone! instead of bothering me with work and stuff. asking me to do this do tat, go here got there, shoot here shoot there last min some more. and S! friends. HA. no such thing. only complain to me about HER stuff and HER problems and when i mentioned tat i'm on mc she just go ' y u always on mc one'. and then it's ALL ABOUT HER again. like come on. u are not the only one with problems. and u only think tat UR problems are the WORST. comparision wise, i'm much off worst and all i can do is to eat it all in.

I'm so sick of being the punching bag, the bullied one, the suffer in silence 'friend'. 'oh we were just JOKING. oh y u so SERIOUS'. come on. FUCK U ALL. i'm done with this.

EVERYONE is going to the airport these days. i see blog entries about going there to study, to shoot, to watever.

HEY! tat's MY territory. get all ye arses outta there. i work there. i practically LIVE THERE.