There will be times like that again. just hope they dun come too often

Empty. Dead. Hollow. Numb.

i think i've became quite the voyeur. From the outside, observing and smirking. Ah if only i could stay like this, seeing and not been seen.

Am i happy being sad?

I remember the times i watch BTVS. the reason behind the weekly siting in front of the tv. This longing, this yearning. Now it's the same with 'The L word'. This useless hoping and wisful need. That someone cares for u so much and would cuddle up with u at night and hug u to sleep. Being so vulerable to someone else, yet, this is not me. I hate being vulerable. So y do i yearn to have that someone? I dun agree with the montion of dependling on someone, i hate it when my parents come too close. yet all this crushed up sadness ozzzing their way out through the trapped yearning in my eyes, the swelling of my heart everytime i see such contentment. This moment of bliss. the moment which one do not need to be strong and tough.

Here i am, sick with fever and still fighting my way to finish paperwork while they all go out to Rouge to play, drink, dance and party. Watch myself wallow in self justified pitifulness

Yes, i think i'm much happier being sad.