Satisfaction and happiness does not exist if you strive for perfection

life is boring, its up to you to make it interesting

we hurt the people we care about to hurt ourselves. But it's fun isn't it.

Tv is my love, hate, endorphin, torment, savior and persecutor.
Tv is my life. Tv is me.

I experience intense emotions once in a while to maintain a state of emotionlessness.

The downward spiral is the byproduct of a upward surge in the pursuit of normalcy.

Destroy one's physical being to salvage one's sanity.

Self destructing slowly is preferred over self destructing immediately.

Happiness is a concept i can only imitate and never grasp.

Help is something I scream everytime I smile.

Delighted at the ammunition i collected for annihilation.

I'm not afraid of not finding happiness. I'm afraid of running away from it when I do.

EviL LivE. LivE EviL.

'Work on, My medicine, work!'

Evil lies in good deeds. Iago never dies.

Infatuation is an infection.

Never say what you mean, never mean what you say.

The sound of laughter masks the screams of pain.

I'm unworthy to feel so fucked up. I have no reason to be so. I had an uneventful childhood, stable normal friends and family and had never experienced drama or tragedy of the spectacular kind. Yet I enjoy and perpetuate my own destruction, cling on to recent common tragedies and create this peek-a-boo illusion of a tortured soul. I use 'my tragedies' like an crack addict, fueling the fucking cycle of procuring even more 'tragedies' to feed this sick need to hurt myself.

I should never be infatuated with anyone, it isn't fair to them. It wasn't planned to let her know that. Then she knew. and I treated her well. She treated me well. But we were still friends. Things was going ok between us. Then I started to behave like how I would. I ignored her. I got pissy with her and kept the unreasonable reason to myself. I refused to treat her like a friend and then at the end of the day i threw her a V-Day present. I asked her out on V-Day, telling here that I would skip a school dinner if she would come down to the OC to have dinner instead. Then later in front of her I, on purpose, spent more time and attention on another female friend instead. When we returned I looked at her in the eye, daring her to confront me.

What kind of human being would do such a thing?

So she smsed me 4 days later to tell me we should be friends. I then blamed myself. But then again, isn't that what i wanted in the 1st place?

But it isn't fair to her. So now i try to make good. I'll be a good friend. I will move on. But I gleefully accept my punishment. Because I still like her and now, I will never be with her.