I see, I want, but I must not have because destruction awaits fulfillment.

these past few days have been good days. Hanging out with friends that matter helps. but when the happiness is spent, all I've left is emptiness. Been trying to get out of this hole but it somehow it knows that I will come back.

Pushing everything aside and not dealing with it now. it's creeping up tho. Maybe if i hit hard enough, the pain will stop that pain. L word was on. I was reminded of the cesspool of people with their world of emotional chaos. I have enough of that alone.

It's getting bad and too often.