I believe that I should never be happy. I sabotage whatever chances I might had before anything can ever even start. I destroy myself when things fail as planned and I cherish the pain and anguish I suffer. I hate it but i need it. I wear it on my sleeve with pride, hide it with stupid arrogance. I need this sense of despair to survive. I thrive in self inflicted misery, I love the ache i feel in my dying heart. I disappoint myself in getting the things I want the most and I torture myself because i know I deserve nothing more. I self-destruct slowly, letting it eat away my soul as I try to live longer, try to hold on longer. I don't know exactly why even I try but it's the only reason I have to live as I die slowly inside.

Sometimes i am so unbelievably overwhelmed by the absolute retarded-ness of heterosexual girls with their excruciating naive-ness and extremely hilarious in a very pathetic way fears of friends telling them they are gay.

i guess 'i am gay even before i met you and i am telling you now because you are so fucking nosy' translate to 'i might fall for you because all we gay people fall for ANYONE and EVERYONE of the same sex'

you have no idea how much 'i'm afraid that you might fall for me' offended me and all that pseudo 'oh i'm going to turn lesbian because i dun have a date for V day' is forcing me to imagine wringing their necks instead of jumping over and actually committing the deed.

and btw, i know it's ok to be gay, i do not need you to tell me that. the reason why i hate letting people know is because they just are too stupid to handle it and will just annoy me constantly.