Feeling so drugged up. When I'm not on them, society would view my behavior as not right. When I'm on them, I can't tell what the melancholy is due to. Or I'll be so out of it, dull, a shell of who I am. Stripped of personality, the lights are on but I'm not home. I can't write, I cant rationalize, I can't analyze. My future is a fuzzy idea, I fall back to old and dangerous comforts.

I'm waiting for the pills to kick in, to bring me to sleep and hopefully a peaceful one without nightmares.

Floating aimlessly trying to get back up standing and now an idea is forming. Cira' 06 where I take an idea, create a plan with steps to reach a goal. I have to keep believing that everything happens for a reason, that some good will come out of it all. It just so seems that I'm destined to keep fighting and searching. Maybe the break was good for me, because I was getting so tired.

I still think of her sometimes. I think she would have loved Linkin Park's new stuff.