I was fine. then after church i wasn't. It's 3.30am but yesterday is still today and is this rush of feelings real?

The reasoning is freewill. Sometimes I have to learn to understand the reasoning all over again and the last time it happened was just now.

I sat here as they looked at people, judge and laugh. For fun, harmless fun? So that makes it ok? It kills me inside, what people do to other people. I don't know how to reconcile all these radically different perceptions. I can't judge them. I don't want to. And I'm afraid I do. It kills me inside that I care about so much about so many things. I really don't want to. But would it be easier? It's too much and I cannot show it. Must not. I think I'm lost again.

Staying alive and sane is not easy.