2009 was...A year of crazy ups and downs. I noticed that I did not have a post for 2008. Maybe it's because in 2008 I was just settling in, and things were starting to resemble stable for a while. Yes, there was the thorn of that slight detour with a couple of friends, but it was resolved well, in comparison. I also had school, a good distraction. Nothing too complicated was on the looming horizon and I just started to come out socially. Alot of partying during the Fall and I started to see Los Angeles for what it is, could be and contemplate it's possibilities for me.

But 2009? Spring I started my last Sem in school, I foresee graduation and suddenly the immediate future was unstable again. I didn't know if I was staying or returning - which was a violent thought. I somewhat came out in school and crushed openly, again after those painful years and that turbulent experience. And with the opening of old wounds, it brought alot of facing up and dealing. The ups and downs were terrifying. It was an accumulation of nearly 5 years of ardently hidden issues that I assumed was resolved and moved on too quickly from. Saw the school shrink. Then graduation came. Later, summer was spent figuring out if I were going to stay for the whole 1 year and what my options of the future were. 2009 was, for now, the year that I finally faced my demons outright. Did I win? Only time can tell now.

But it's January again. My mind is not kind during this time. So if you could, please, wait, while I will this ache to fade.