So tonight I danced with a really hot bi girl. Young. It was ok. Not unexpected, nothing too serious happened. Yeah, I'm learning to give people the benefit of doubts now and with a new resolution of not to be actively aggressive. I may want it but part of me is glad when we don't go any further. So this is a good compromise.
However when I got home part of me decided that I really need pain. I looked E up. And my suspicions to an extend were confirmed. In a way I'm kinda glad. But it's the second fucking time this happened. I really need to stop this patten. Cupid, I'm doing your fucking job at the expense of my mental health. Or lack of one.

Trying very hard to get back to normal. You really did a number on me.