Love. It's a complicated concept. Believing that things happen for a reason. God. All things that my brain is trying to understand. I saw and went through the aftermath of what she done. And I know that it would destroy my parents and friends who do not understand or some who do not have the capabilities to even begin to understand. So I hung on, and still am. I'm trying to live, not just for myself, but for the people connected to me. Because I love them and I do not want them to go through what I am going through even to this day after so many years.

But it's hard. And I'm trying not to be self centered but if I can't even help myself, who am I to help others? I need to be ok first. I need to be alright. Then maybe, things will be better.

I failed again. I'm upset but I'm laughing. If you don't learn your lesson, the same one will keep presenting itself. But I'm trying. I hope I'll get another chance. I hope that the darkness will not catch up with me. Or that I infect anyone else.