I have a problem trusting people. Because they play you, and if I cant even trust friends, then I'm screwed. because they were all that made me hold on after that.

I'm trying to learn to live with my heart and not my brain. But fear is freezing my heart fast.

Why does it seem that when I'm not sober, i see signs from TPTB? or rather, why do i feel like there's a god when I'm intoxicated? I broke a rule today. An important rule. And that's when I realized that things may be worse then I thought. And then, out of the blue,I see an add for addiction recovery on tv, something that I've never seen before. and it was pretty corny, cheesey and lame.

The cycle is starting up again. I'm afraid of the ride to come.