i am sick of people not taking me seriously. yes, laugh at my plans, at my dreams, as if my own insecurities are not enough. i am sick of giving way to people and allowing them to climb all over me when i could have fought back and argued my point. U see, they dun see the bigger picture. Yes i can argue, yes i could win, yes we could have a screaming match and a loud qurrel. Y dun i fight back? simple. peace. if we keep fighting and disagreeing over small, trivial matters what would happen? u are the stuborn type just like I. If i were to follow that path and decide that this arguement i must win, where would we end up? have u tot about that? Do u appreciate this friendship enough to not fucking have a major 'my views in ur face' everytime on everything? did it ever oocurred to u that it was only because that i let it slide and let u win? U think i'm stuipd and my views are not 'logical'. newsflash. urs have loop holes too. and btw, i'm not always convinced. I am also sick of YOU, childish boy, who ironically called me childish when i tired to initiate a calming peaceful mature talk to discuss our problems and u just called me names and left in a naive huff, leaving me more amused at the irony than angry. oh there are lots more and i could go on all night but i'll be brief. u are a worse friend to me then i am to u, u talk about only ur own problems and the monment i say mine u just tune out or jump to conclusions, claim that i am being this or tat. is it so hard to ask u to just listen like how i did? I must learn not to get dependent on friends. they fail u more times then u expected. Ah, now i remembered i didnt wanted to keep in contact with him at first. Maybe when i get a dog. We'll see.

All this morality and philosophy things are taboo to 'annouce' or even speak/discuss about in this society. think/say it out loud and immediatey u are branded as a person trying to be all smart and arty. 'oh the REAL ppl who REALLY thinks and REALLY knows and REALLY understands (all these different schools of thoughts ) philosophy are the ones who dont talk about it.' ; 'oh the REAL good people are the ones who dont annouce and brag their good deeds'

am i saying that i am a 'great' person because i ALWAYS gives way to them? allowing them to think me less while i'm just secertly being amused at their ludicrousness? This constant dichotomy rips me apart inside.

so in this private blog, where no one i know knows, i vent and vent and vent. Escape these senseless binding rules and norms in my own world, time and space.

All this, to create a more inhuman me.